Wife Swap
by Chocogrl
Summary: What happens when Bartie,Queezle,Nat,and Kitty get invited to 'Wife Swap? Chaos of course! So read and Review to find out what happens!
1. The Letter

**Me: Just read and enjoy. And review. That's the important part. Just so you know, The Letter is when the letters are written to Kitty & John Mandrake, and Bartie & Queezle. Oh! And make sure you read my other story: The Chocolate Obsession. I wrote that too!! Yay!!**

**Bartie: Just type the stupid disclaimer……**

**Me: Fine…………..**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the stuff in my room, my stuff, my cat, and me…………….**

**Wife Swap**

**Prologue: The Letter (dun, dun, dun! Jk)**

**Dear Bartimaeus and Queezle,**

**I, Jane Gotures, would am pleased to inform you that you and your family have been selected to be in the show Wife Swap. You are strongly recommended to go, because if you do, you will be helping another family, our show, and thousands of people around the world. You will also be receiving $10,000,000 for your spending, no tax included. Meaning that you get to keep all that money, and it goes to you and you only. Think about what you can do with all this money. If you decide to participate, your wife will be switching houses and families with John and Kitty Mandrake in London, England. Queezle will go to London, while Kitty will come to Utah. You and your family will be staying at your home while your wife goes to the other contestant house. There will be cameras' set in your house along with crew to film what goes on during this time. Please consider this because it would be sooo great if you decided to participate in this show. Thanks and again think it over. Imagine what you can do with $10,000,000. The possibilities are endless. **

**With Thanks;**

**Jane Gotures **

**P.s. We would really, really, really like you to join; in fact my whole career depends on it. If you don't enter this show, I get fired. I really, really, really, really, really, really, really love my job, and I really want to keep it, so please join! I have 5 kids, and I'm a single mom, so I am depending on you! Please think this over! Please contact us at: 789-5567 I will be waiting on your call!!_(A.N. if you are even thinking about calling that number; DON'T I don't even know whose it is…I made it up)_**

* * *

**__**

**Dear Kitty and John Mandrake, **

**I, Jane Gotures, would am pleased to inform you that you and your family have been selected to be in the show Wife Swap. You are strongly recommended to go, because if you do, you will be helping another family, our show, and thousands of people around the world. You will also be receiving $10,000,000 for your spending, no tax included. Meaning that you get to keep all that money, and it goes to you and you only. Think about what you can do with all this money!! I know that you are already stinking rich, but if you participate in this show you will just be $10,000,000 richer. That's a lot of money!! If you decide to participate, your wife will be switching houses and families with Bartimaeus and Queezle in Somewhere, Utah. Kitty will be going to Utah, and you and your family will be staying in your beautiful Victorian mansion. There will be cameras' set in your house along with crew to film what goes on during this time. Please consider this because it would be sooo great if you decided to participate in this show. Thanks and again think it over. Imagine what you can do with $10,000,000. The possibilities are endless. **

**With Thanks;**

**Jane Gotures **

**P.s. We would really, really, really like you to join; in fact my whole career depends on it. If you don't enter this show, I get fired. I really, really, really, really, really, really, really love my job, and I really want to keep it, so please join! I have 5 kids, and I'm a single mom, so I am depending on you! Please think this over! Please contact us at: 789-5567 I will be waiting on your call!!**


	2. At Bartie's and Queezle's

**Me: yay!!! Nother chappie!!! Finally I have time!!! School has been tough….**

**Bartie: that's awesome……gosh! You have like a lot of chocolate in your pantry!!**

**Me: yeah….I know….it's cool isn't it! Lots of that candy is from Halloween!! I went as a witch in disguise with my cat!! In case you're wondering, I was just in my normal cloths with my cat….kinda sucky I know, but hey, I don't have a stupid costume!!**

**Bartie: yeah……..so what's this thing with the Wife Swap?**

**Me: Well I got the idea when I was watching the Simpson's on tv, and then came this commercial for Wife Swap™ and I was thinking right there and then, that I that I should really finish typing my other story, when BOOM!! The most awesome thought came through to my head that I should do a story on that so yeah……I had trouble thinking of a couple tho. I've decided to do the couples: Nathaniel & Kitty, and Bartie & Queezle. Oh yeah…this is going to get hectic. Yes…..in my story, djinn can get married. For this story, Queezle and Bartie are living on EARTH(key word there) in a country home in Utah with 2 kids…..yes I kno. Weird, but go with me. Kitty and Nat are living in a mansion in London and have 1 kid. So yeah……you're probably still not believing what I have typed. Yes Bartie and Queezle have 2 kids. I repeat. 2 KIDS. Just go along with me!!!**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own The Bartimaeus Trilogy or Wife Swap. Other wise I would be rich and not typing this story. I would just write another book.**

**Wife Swap**

**Chapter 1: At Bartie's and Queezle's **

In Utah. At Bartie and Queezle's house.

"Bartie!! Could you get the mail please??" Queezle asked her husband.

"Sure Hun. But why don't you sent Alf?"

"Because Bartimaeus, Alfalfa is only 3. He can't reach the mail box yet."

Bartie winced. If Queezle called him by his full name, we had some issues.

"Oh. Yeah. I forgot about that. So Alfalfa can't reach the mail box, and Jadelyn is at Harligan's Birthday, right?"

"Yes Honey"

Queezle watched her hubbie get off the Lazy Boy and open the front door to get the mail. Recently he liked the form of a really hott dude that resembled Orlando Bloom. She sighed. She thought she was really lucky to have such a good man that loved her so much. Not like Farquarl and his wife. Queezle's best friend was, and still is married to that terrible guy. She didn't know how many times she had told her to divorce, but no, she never listened. Farquarl beat her, and made her do every thing he told her to otherwise he blasted her with a deto (aka detonation). Queezle felt sooooo lucky that she had a man that really loved her.

Bartimaeus and Queezle lived in a nice, cozy cottage in Somewhere, Utah. Their house had a pretty white fence, and lots of flowers, mainly white, pink, and yellow. Bartie had let Queezle do the gardening. The house was a nice white color, with yellow shutters and a red brick roof, and a front and back deck. Bartie and Queezle also have a Maltese Terrier named Ler-Ler, and a snowshoe kitten named Kit-Kat (these pets are based on the ones I have/had in my life). As you can tell, Bartie let Queezle do most of the decorating. She decided what shape and color the object would be, and Bartie would build/make it for her.

Bartie came back in through the door, going through the mail. "Ok, bills, mortgage, house repair bills, some ads…….hold on, the envelope says: Bartimaeus and Queezle; From the creators of Wife Swap……what the heck??" Bartie opened the letter and read:

**Dear Bartimaeus and Queezle,**

**I, Jane Gotures, would am pleased to inform you that you and your family have been selected to be in the show Wife Swap. You are strongly recommended to go, because if you do, you will be helping another family, our show, and thousands of people around the world. You will also be receiving $10,000,000 for your spending, no tax included. Meaning that you get to keep all that money, and it goes to you and you only. Think about what you can do with all this money!!-(here Bartie gives Queezle a 'Do You Know What's Going On, Cause I Don't' look, and Queezle was feeling a bit queasy(hahahahahaha sooooo funny!!)-If you decide to participate, your wife will be switching houses and families with John and Kitty Mandrake in London, England.-(here Bartie gasps in shock and drops the letter, then he picks in up again and re-reads the last 2 sentences to make sure he got everything right. Then the process repeats 3 more times until Bartie gets it and reads on)-Queezle will go to London, while Kitty will come to Utah. You and your family will be staying at your home while your wife goes to the other contestant house. There will be cameras' set in your house along with crew to film what goes on during this time. Please consider this because it would be sooo great if you decided to participate in this show. Thanks and again think it over. Imagine what you can do with $10,000,000. The possibilities are endless. **

**With Thanks;**

**Jane Gotures **

P.s. We would really, really, really like you to join; in fact my whole career depends on it. If you don't enter this show, I get fired. I really, really, really, really, really, really, really love my job, and I really want to keep it, so please join! I have 5 kids, and I'm a single mom, so I am depending on you! Please think this over! Please contact us at: 789-5567 I will be waiting on your call!!(A.N. if you are even thinking about calling that number; DON'T I don't even know whose it is…I made it up)

When Bartie had finished reading the letter, there was silence in the house. Bartie looked at Queezle, and Queezle looked at Bartie. Ler-Ler looked at Kit-Kat, and Kit-Kat looked at Ler-Ler. Then Kit-Kat started to lick his paw, and Ler-Ler went back to sleep. That shows you how much pets pay attention. So, back to Bartie and Queezle. Queezle opened her mouth, and closed it, then open, close, open, close, open, close. It was almost like watching those automatic doors at a busy restaurant, except **a lot** smaller.

"So do you want to do this Bartie-hun?"

"No, not really." Bartie still was feeling numb. Was this real, or was somebody playing a really mean prank on them. If Queezle decided that they would join, he couldn't see her for God knows how long…………….gosh. He just wanted this to be over. Maybe………he pinched himself. Hard. Yep. It hurt.

"Well, I do. No, no, think about it. We….well me gets to boss around a magician, your worst enemy in fact, I get to go England, not by force but willingly. You get to meet a very nice human girl, and Alfalfa and Jadelyn can have an experience that they have never gone through before. And that $10,000,000. Think about what we could do with that kind of money! We could completely remodel this house, and we can finally get Alfalfa that

X-box he wanted, and we maybe could get another cat. Please think about it Bartie! I really want to do this, but it is your choice." Queezle gave Bartie her cute 'Please I Really Want To Do This, And You Know You Don't Have Any Other Choice Anyway. I'm Just Asking To Be Polite' look.

Bartie rolled his eyes. He knew he didn't have a choice anyway. If Queezle wanted something, she had to get it. That's why he loved her so much anyway. He liked them feisty. "Fine. But……..I get to get a new sports car, and we get a 20' inch plasma tv."

Inside Queezle's head, it kinda sounded like a very loud New Years Celebration. Sure she already knew that Bartie would agree with her, but this just showed how much he really loved her. Yes, he could really get on your nerves sometimes with all the sarcasm, but in the end, her word goes. "Yay!! I love you sooo much honey! Now, I'll just call this number to tell them that we're going to participate ok? I love you sosososososososososososososososo much!! Thank you!!"

"It's not like as though I have any choice anyway. If I didn't agree with you, I'll end up sleeping on the coach for the next 7 years or something" Bartie mumbled….mainly to himself, but as a 12th level djinni, Queezle heard him.

"Honey, you know I would never do that to you! Besides it'll only be for about, like 4 years…..not much to you would it Sweetie?"

"Yes Honey………"

**Me: yes!! Finally done! What do ya think? Pretty good, huh?**

**Bartie: I look like a hott dude that resembles Orlando Bloom. Where the heck did that come from??**

**Me: Hey! Look, I just make things up as I go, but Orlando Bloom is a real hottie don't you think?**

**Beezle: No, not at all. He's ugly. **

**Me: No Way. He is HOTT!! Burning!! He is like whew!! No words to explain!! Besides ya'll are guys. You don't understand if any guy was hott. You are guys right??**

**B&B: Of course!! Gosh!! Look, we can have the illusion of looking like a girl, but it is only just an illusion.**

**Me: Oh…I knew that. **

**Beezle: Suuuure…….**

**Me: Well anyway, make sure that you review ok?? I would love you so much if you did!!**

**Bartie: Orlando Bloom…………that girl is crazy**

**Me: I'm not crazy, I'm just not normal….ummm…..yeah………**

**Beezle: oooo-k!!**

**Bartie: Review**

**Beezle: Review, or I will track you down and shoot you!!!**

**Me: I also realize that in my story that Bartie is not very Bartie-ish that is because he is different around Queezle because he really loves her. His old sarcasm will return when Kitty has to come over. Oh. And the names Alfalfa and Jadelyn are just from my imagination. I think that the name Alfalfa came from like a tv show or something, but I don't remember. Someone tell me so I can put it in my disclaimer!! MAKE SURE YOU REVIEW!!**


	3. At Kitty's and Nat's

**Me: Yay!! 2nd chapter!! I love my reviewers!!! Don't you guys think that I'm sooooo smart for thinking of this Wife Swap idea?? So far we haven't had math homework for 5 days!!! Yes!!! (starts little dance)**

**Bartie: Oh gosh……hey you can actually dance!!**

**Beezle: That's new…..**

**Me: well duh!! I've been dancing for like 12 years!! I started when I was 2**

**Bartie: u-huh….so I think you've started typing an Avatar story write? **

**Me: Yep I've _started_ I think that the actual story in like I dunno……3 days?? I type really fast, but I have to find time to do this stuff. I have a life you know!!**

**B&B: Sure…..**

**Me: Hey!!!**

**Disclaimer: You already know what I'm about to type, so why do you expect me to type something different?? Oh, and I do own Halfre. He's my imp!! **

**Wife Swap**

**Chapter 2: At Kitty's and Nat's**

Halfre went to go get the mail. He had been employed at the Mandrakes for about 7 years on and off. He was just an imp and just cleaned here and there. And he fetched the mail. That was probably the most interesting part of his day. Going to the mail box, opening the door-thing, reach a hand in, grab whatever's inside, turning around and going back 'home'. It wasn't that bad really. The only time he ever got punished here was 3 years back when he had accidentally dropped the mail in a puddle and got some 'important' letters ruined. And it was only the Stipples. He had had much, much, much worse masters, like Solomon and that Farrar lady. (But we're not going to go there. This chappie is about Nat and Kitty's reaction to the Letter. Not the life of Halfre. I'm sorry Halfre.)

So Halfre went inside the huge Victorian Mansion, and set the mail down on the dining table like always, and went to work on dusting the 5th room to the right of the 4th floor elevator. He had to dust the whole house just like every other day. His life hadn't changed much at all. Halfre didn't like dusting. It was ok, but it wasn't as fun as going to get the mail. (Just as long as he didn't drop the letters into a puddle again.)

Now we leave Halfre, and his **wonderful** life. And go to Kitty and Nat, at the Breakfast table.

"Hey honey….last night was wonderful" Kitty sighed.

Nat grinned "Glad you liked it" He started on his toast while Kitty was opening letters(she never ate breakfast)

"Lets see; bills, an invite to a play(at this Natty Boy groaned) more bills, and pamphlet that you wrote,(Nathaniel took that and looked at it) and hey look, what's this?" Kitty opened the letter and read out loud;

**Dear Kitty and John Mandrake, **

**I, Jane Gotures, would am pleased to inform you that you and your family have been selected to be in the show Wife Swap. You are strongly recommended to go, because if you do, you will be helping another family, our show, and thousands of people around the world. You will also be receiving $10,000,000 for your spending, no tax included. Meaning that you get to keep all that money, and it goes to you and you only. Think about what you can do with all this money!! I know that you are already stinking rich, but if you participate in this show you will just be $10,000,000 richer. That's a lot of money!! If you decide to participate, your wife will be switching houses and families with Bartimaeus and Queezle in Somewhere, Utah. Kitty will be going to Utah, and you and your family will be staying in your beautiful Victorian mansion. There will be cameras' set in your house along with crew to film what goes on during this time. Please consider this because it would be sooo great if you decided to participate in this show. Thanks and again think it over. Imagine what you can do with $10,000,000. The possibilities are endless. **

**With Thanks;**

**Jane Gotures **

**P.s. We would really, really, really like you to join; in fact my whole career depends on it. If you don't enter this show, I get fired. I really, really, really, really, really, really, really love my job, and I really want to keep it, so please join! I have 5 kids, and I'm a single mom, so I am depending on you! Please think this over! Please contact us at: 789-5567 I will be waiting on your call!!**

Kitty looked and read the letter again and then thumped Nat on the back when he started choking……on air……pathetic……………..

"Are you serious Kitty? They actually expect us to join that club? They actually think that I could leave you for a week? They want a random person, no excuse me demon to come into my house and set some rules that me and the kids have to follow?? God they must be insane! No honey, we're not doing this. Final"

Kitty gave Nat and withering glare "John! This lady is a single mom and has five kids and she gets fired if we don't accept this invitation. Fine then if you don't want to do this than I guess you'll be sleeping on the couch for the next month!"

Nat choked. Again. This time Kitty didn't help him get unchoked. "Kitty! _cough gag _are you _cough cough_ seriously _wheeze choke_ wanting to do this? _Cough choke cough cough cough cough gag swallow_ whew…..I mean really! Do you really want to go **Bartimaeus' **house and live with their 2 kids in the middle of nowhere?? Please Sweetie, think this over!!"

"No John, I've made up my mind we are going to do this. You know that you'll never change my mind."

"Yep Sugar, and that's why I love you so much." Nathaniel sighed "I guess that means that you'd better get packed while I make the phone call."

"Oh Honey!! I love you so much!" and then Kitty stood up kissed Nat on the cheek and ran to the elevator to go get packed.

Nat's eyes followed her into the elevator until the door closed. "You'd think that after that sacrifice that I'd deserve something better than that……"

The perv.

**Me: I'm sooooooooooo sorry for not updating but I have been busy, and you know what I'm talking about! 9th grade is busy!!!! Well…..Christmas happened to, and I'm sooooooo sorry!!! Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, **

**sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, wow my hand hurts!!! Well anyway I hope ya get the point…..**

**Bartie: After that, yes**

**Beezle: you type fast………**

**Me: thanx!!! Well review!**

**Bartie: Review!**

**Beezle: Review!!!**


End file.
